Ever not spoken to someone for well over two years when suddenly, that same person Facebooks you and asks to Skype you one day? That happened to me two weeks ago, and it’s an odd experience to have.
Don’t get me wrong – first off, it’s great to be able to re-connect with someone, especially those that you shared a close and cherished relationship with. The Internet has meant that it’s ever so easy to find the old friends you’ve lost, or you’d like to reconnect with. It comes with its own flipsides, of course, but that’s another topic for another day. I know I certainly wrote my final-year thesis on it.
But back to the main point. Yes. Re-connecting with someone you haven’t spoken to. It was odd. Also thoroughly not helped by the fact that the relationship in question ended… civilly. Civil is not cordial, or amicable. Civil is just… polite.So, how was it? Bizarre. Oddly so. It was almost as though nothing had changed at all, just back to the old days, laughing and joking around. And that terrifies me, because there’s this elephant in hte room that neither of us addressed – or want to address – because to be entirely honest, there is no graceful way to bring up the break-up two years ago without it chilling the conversation, or shutting things down.
I find it’s a common trait of mine: cowardice. I’ve always been a coward, preferring to compromise, mostly at my own expense as opposed to others. I let my feelings curdle and sour in my stomach, leaving myself with a husk of something that could have been or should have removed that becomes a burden, one more piece of baggage that I don’t really need.
I’m rambling again. It wasn’t a bad experience – I certainly walked away feeling lighter than I had in years. I don’t have an explanation for that either, but it left me with more questions than answers. It’s one more lesson I have to learn – that I won’t ever learn the answers to everything. It’s one that drives me up the wall, especially when people tell me “there’s no definite answer” (a law school staple!), but it’s one I will have to accept. For now, I think I’ll just be content with what I have, the friends I treasure, and the odd re-connecting. Always count your blessings, after all.